Website Change

Sharla and I have decided to write out of the same website.  So, for all future updates and thoughts on the Erlandson family, click to go to:

 www.erlandsonfamily.wordpress.com

the bobble

i never thought that i would be rooting for the dallas cowboys.  in fact, until this year they have been my least favorite team (i am a steelers fan).  but, i changed my philosophy a bit and have decided to root for my brother’s favorite teams after the steelers.  so, since my brother ron’s favorite team is the cowboys, i cheered them on saturday night in their loss to the seahawks.

well, tony romo bobbled the hold on a field goal that was almost certain.  they were at the five or six yard line and would almost certainly win the game.  my heart really sank for him.  as much as i love sports and winning, my heart has always hurt for the athletes who have had the misfortune of making a huge mistake that costs the game for their team.  something about the pain they feel at that moment really connects with me.  (that is part of the reason i don’t watch many movies with the storyline including people dealing with extremely painful experiences.  it just makes my heart hurt so badly for them)

my hope is that this doesn’t define tony romo’s career.  many great athletes (and people) are unfortunately known more for thier mistakes rather than their accomplishments.  (see bill buckner and jackie smith) what happens is that the people who have failed in those moments actually begin to believe that they are failures.  they own it deep inside – it becomes how they define themselves.  and, unfortunately, there are many other people (many of whom have neither that talent nor the ability to perform themselves) that will pound them relentlessly with reminders of where they messed up.

so, my encouragement to tony romo and anyone who tries – win or lose – is this quote from theodore roosevelt…

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

“everyone is my friend, but i don’t know all of their names”

that is what my boy caleb said this afternoon as we were driving to union station to have a ‘man day.’  my wife and i will each take him out periodically to hang out and have fun with just mommy or daddy.  before we went to union station we stopped by my in-laws house and saw their new kitty.  he loves the kitty.  eventually we will get him one, but since we are so busy with the move we want to make it special. 

to be honest he only said that everyone is his friend after declaring the kitty to be his ‘best friend.’  so, if you were hoping for #1 friend, then you will be disappointed, but either way, i love my son’s honesty and innocence.  he naturally trusts that people are good.  (apparently people come right behing kittys) we all know that, infortunately, life does not bear this innocence out.  but, doesn’t trusting people sort of create a self-fulfilling prophecy?  i mean, if we expect people to be nice, fun, worthy of trust then usually they will live up to our expectations.  caleb knows not to go anywhere with strangers and all the safety stuff, but i hope that his common sense about people possibly doing bad things will never translate into a life lived without trust.

if you think about it, the greatest joys in life come through relationships with people.  and if we never trust enough to go deep with other people then we miss out on so much of life.  this is part of the reason that parents have such an impact in children’s lives even after the child has long since grown up and moved out.  to the child who grew up not being able to count on the ones he or she needs to trust the most there is a fear, an anxiety that is created.  thankfully, we have a God that is always faithful.  but i have met many people, including myself, who have had to overcome issues of trust in order to experience the fullness of relationships. 

i am thankful of my son’s trust.  my desire is to bring him up with the wisdom he needs, along with the trust he needs to experience all that God has given for him in life.

ordinarily great

one of the hardest things for me to do is relax.  i am constantly moving and always want to get something done that moves toward accomplishing something.  this makes sitting down and hanging out with people very hard.  it also makes doing seemingly ordinary stuff difficult.  but, i have been realizing lately that truly great things are accomplished during the ordinary.  there is the moment of greatness, but that moment will only come after much time spent in the ordinary – and that is not bad.

there is a great quote by deitrich bonhoeffer “it is the mark of the grown-up man, as compared to that of the callow youth, that he finds his center of gravity wherever he happens to be at the moment.  and, no matter how much he longs for the object of his desire, it cannot prevent him from staying at his post and doing his duty.”

often, the duty we experience is not very exciting.  many times it is very ordinary. but, when seen with the proper perspective, it is critical to worship and greatness.  mother theresa said ‘you cannot do great things for God, only small things done with great love.”  that is where the rubber meets the road.  it is easy when the great things happen, when we get kudos and recognition for what we do.  it is hard when the dishes are dirty, the kids are crying or the person we are listening to seems to go on and on. 

but, Jesus tells us that we are greatest when we serve, not when we are recognized.  it is through the small acts of worship that we bring the most honor to Christ.  it is also much more difficult.  so, my hope is to be faithful – that as a ‘grown-up man’ that i will find my center of gravity wherever i happen to be at the moment instead of living for the ‘great’ moments and forgetting the great opportunities that i am presented with every day.  

what you don’t know can be fixed

i admit that i have at times procrastinated.  not out of laziness, but out of ignorance and thinking that what i don’t know is more complicated than it is.  case in point… my 1998 ford windstar. i know little to nothing about fixing vehicles.  it is like reading greek. (actually, i can read greek, so bad illustration).  but vehicles are completely foreign to me.  words are my tools and since i don’t know how to fix vehicles i actually put off getting things fixed because of my ignorance (plus, i don’t know if i can trust auto repair shops)

well, i took my van into the shop today.  i had to get it inspected in order to have it registered anyway and i know that putting off repair is never helpful whether i trust the repair shop or not.  the van had been running rough for a while.  it would even die on occasion.  i found out that a hose was not connected properly and it needed a new valve of some sort.  it will run me about 250 dollars including the inspection.   i am not happy about spending money, but i wonder about why i put this off for so long (about a year).

sometimes what we don’t know creates fear and anxiety.  we cannot control what we don’t know and it is uncomfortable.  it is the opposite of faith and optimism.  now, i don’t encourage anyone to put their faith in auto repair shops, but instead to live life without fear.  do the things that we have been putting off because we didn’t know exactly how it would turn out.   as philosopher william james said: “nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.”

spittin’ mad

you may have heard about the terrell owens incident with deangelo hall.  terrell owens got angry during their football game yesterday and spit in hall’s face.  he ended up getting fined by the nfl 35,000 dollars.  hall didn’t retaliate, but certainly would have been upset.

now, i have a small addiction to sports talk radio during football season. i listen to it while driving and play it in my office when i can. basically, everyone who spoke of this issue considered it to be the worst thing a player can do to another on the field.  they would all have rather been sucker-punched, kicked, bitten, anything other than being spit upon – especially in the face.  why do you think that is?

what is it about people that deems being spat upon worse than being physically beaten?  i think that it is connected to the genuine worth of every individual.  something inside us knows that each person, regardless of state in life, deserves respect.  it is one thing for someone bigger, stronger, and quicker to beat that tar out of you, but to devalue someone so deeply as to spit upon them says they are worth nothing, almost sub-human.

how important is this?  well, so important that people’s very lives are set by others giving or removing value.  as children much of what we understand ourselves to be (our future, possibility for success, worth and identity) is tied to what we receive from our parents.  then it moves to family, friends and others who speak to us.  now, i don’t mean to say that people who are not encouraged cannot achieve in life, but it is definitely harder.  colossians 3:21 says: “fathers do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”  we mold the hearts, minds, and identies of our children.   so, in the future, when you read this verse remember the cameron paraphrase “parents, don’t spit in the face of your children, so that they will not lose heart.

an introvert in a crowd

most people who know me would not believe that i am an introvert.  i get pretty excited and intense about ministry and life. but, the truth is that i would rather be alone with a book (now, that doesn’t mean that i don’t care about people, just that i lose energy being around people).  i think that this has become even more intense over time, as i have more demands on my life with ministry.  sometimes it even seems overwhelming the amount of time i spend with others.

i have been thinking about this a great deal lately.  how can i be effective in life (my family, friends, ministry, etc.) when i get physically and mentally drained when i am around people so much?  well, i think it comes down to three key areas: prayer, discipline, and hard decisions. 

by prayer i mean that i have been praying that i would develop character to love others.  i specifically pray nearly every day that God would produce in me the ‘fruit of the spirit… love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, thankfulness, gentleness, and self-control.’  imagine the impact of a life with that kind of characer.

by discipline i mean using my time wisely.  how much time and energy is misused through things that are not important?  and, how much time is actually invested in what will bring life and energy to others and myself?  so, exercise, eating healthy, getting to sleep, etc. plays very powerfully into my ability to be with others.

finally, by hard decisions i mean putting ‘first things first’ with my time.  my family comes first, so i cannot make promises of frienship and time with others if it will hurt my family.  i cannot promise to be a ‘best friend’ to everyone that i want to love and minister to.  i have to make decisions to train and develop others to do what they were created to do, rather than doing it all myself. 

when i take an inventory of my life and i notice that i am drained, it is usually because one of these three areas are weak.  what about you?  what would you add, or take away, to this list of three?

connecting

i read a book a couple of days ago.  it is called connecting by bobby clinton and paul stanley.  after talking with fred about my desire to develop as a pastor, he recommended that i check this book out. 

one of the key concepts in this book is creating a constellation of mentors.  now, i have heard this before, but it was developed so well in this book that i want to encourage everyone to read it.  the basic idea is that we need to connect with those we respect and admire in diferent areas of life.  so, if i want to grow as a husband, or father, or even in my ability to lead teams of people, the key is finding those people who are proficient in the areas that i want to grow. 

now, this may sound somewhat simple.  but, the simple things are usually the most profound and effective. what this does is give us a game plan. you see, so often when we want to be mentored we focus on one person who can give us everything we need.  but, in reality, no one is able to do all of that for us.  there is no person, other than Jesus, who can mentor us in all the areas that we need to grow. 

so, what is your game plan for growth?  do you have a constellation of mentors, or are you just winging it and hoping that you will catch on with what you need to develop to be effective in life?   i encourage you to learn from those who are effective. and, don’t expect one person to mentor you alone.  they are, after all, not Jesus. 

i have returned

been really busy lately… as you can tell from my lack of posts. but, it has been a good busy.  i have nothing profound to write, but just wanted to let everyone know that i still exist and haven’t turned my back on the blogging world.  more will come in the near future.

time better spent

there have always been opportunities for people to waste time.  video games rank up quite high in my life as the great time waster.  (that is why i don’t own any video games – they are addictive).  the reality is that there will always be things that pull our attention away from what is really best for us in life.